It’s week one, and the Jordan Love era begins with a home game in Green Bay! This is it, the start of our Super Bowl run! No more Matt Patricia, which automatically makes us a better team than last year, right?
Touchdown Jaden Reed! Yes! Wait, 12 men on the field for both offense AND defense? Shouldn’t that be an automatic touchdown? Okay, maybe not. But an interception? Do we finally have a defense this time? Jaylen, what are you doing?
Our offense still looks a bit shaky, but at least we have a kicker who doesn’t give me anxiety every time he steps onto the field. That’s a win in my book. And speaking of wins, fumble recovery! Yes! Joe Barry, wherever you are (probably enjoying the Miami sun), we got one! We miss you, Jason Kelsey! Come back!
Touchdown, Saquon Barkley! Wait, I thought we had a run defense this time? And another touchdown for Saquon? Seriously? Imagine not paying this guy… And another one?! Jaden Reed with a 70-yard touchdown! Yes! Do you see it? The Super Bowl vision is becoming clear!
Okay, our secondary still needs work. A few missed opportunities, but we’re going into halftime with a lead, and that’s what matters.
And just like that, AJ Brown scores. Well, at least we can score long touchdowns too. Thanks for giving up on him, Titans. Wait, did Joe Barry sneak back onto the sideline? My shoulder is starting to hurt from all this stress…
Another illegal formation? What is happening out there? Is this the same field from a couple Super Bowls ago? Christian Watson touchdown! That’s how you answer back, offense!
Why are we letting them score so easily? Mitchell, you’re doing great, but our defense is supposed to be better! We’re paying you too much to throw interceptions!
Three touchdowns for Saquon? New York, you’re alright. Is this how the Bills felt last night? A hat trick for Saquon?! Everyone runs on us, it’s not impressive anymore.
We missed a field goal? I thought we had a kicker AND a defense? Okay, we’re getting the ball back, down by one score, no timeouts, 30 seconds left. Time for a miracle, just like Aaron Rodgers used to pull off…
No, no, no! That’s not what I meant by “be like Aaron Rodgers”!
I’m happy we won, but not like this. Am I even allowed to celebrate?
I’ll give him my knee! I’ll give him my leg! I’ll chop it off right now if it means we don’t have to endure another Brett Hundley season!
Packers, welcome to the club. It’s not fun here. So, you can beat us but not the Eagles? I see how it is.
Hey, if we win on Sunday, we’re at the top of the NFC North, and the Packers are in last place! I don’t make the rules.
Thank you, South Paulo, for showing up! I have so many fans!
